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God damn, life fucken' sucks, again. Everything in it's own little way just always seems to be able to fucken' pull itself apart in my life. All bridges burned, yeah, well I'm still standing on the fucken' thing, and I'm sick and fucken' tired of hanging on. So why do I do it? Hell if I know, I just want somebody. So I guess what any fans, ha, fans, like this site fucken' has any, I'm the only fan, are wanting to know, who is this guy? Well I guess behind what you fucken' see, read about, is a poor boy wanting no more than love. But that's to fucken' much to ask, who could ever love me. Anyone who "loved", never loves for long. They only use what little time I have, then they leave. And do I deserve this? Is this some kind of fucken' pay back for a past life? Well I'd like to see how many people I fucken' killed to deserve such a fucken' scene. The ever repeating scene of my life, the never stop hurt scene. Once I begin to get happy, someone fuckin' hurts me, and my gothic heart steps in once again. Fuck them all, who needs them.
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Contemplating suicide
So in my own little fucken' world this is what everybody wants isn't it? Where is my fucken' world. Well right now I'm absolutly convenced that everybody hates me. Fuck you all. Go to fucken' hell. Get out of my head. Maybe I'm insane, but you tell me, what do you think. Am I insane? Is my head not really fucken' there, 'cuz I'd really like to know. I sit up day after fucken' day, every single night wondering will someone come who really likes me? And you know the answer to that so far, it's needless for me to say, but no. They keep fucken' hurting me. When will the pain stop? Why does the pain happen? Thinking of suicidle tendancies, and I don't know where I am anymore. Maybe that's why I'm so fucken' pierced. BTW, I've got many knew peircings due to the last one who dumped me. Sure I like them, sure they make me feel more speritual doing them, but I start the physical pain to rid of the emotional pain. I really need a fucken' break. And no, I won't kill myself, I don't think, but I'll damn well think about it into the wee hours of the fucken' morning, tired as hell, all alone, sweating a cold desperate sweat. Fucken' raging against life itself. Weeping that I'm all alone, curled up into a ball, sitting on my bed, dying inside. Fuck it all, I don't care, just let me die with out it being forced. |
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